Strange, how you can be surrounded by so many people and yet feel so alone.
At college, it was the 3 weeks spent with the bf that distanced me and my floormates. Of course, the non-cliquey ones are always by my side, but as the Kay Ryan poem about the Cheshire Cat said, the bonds are more casual than we know. And maybe I’m just the only one who realizes it. I think I realized this when I knocked on SS’s door and they did the thing where they turned off the lights and pretended not to be there. Previously, I was always the one on the inside. And now I was on the outside. These are the people I’m living with next year?
And then back home, it’s the gradual disintegration of friendships that has made me feel even more alone. Out of the many people I talked to in high school, I can count on my fingers (perhaps even one hand) the ones I actually trust. But I feel like I always have to watch my back because of the aligned competition.
And since I’m kind of re-evaluating my relationship with the bf, I feel distanced from him too. Like I’ve got something to tell him, and I’m hiding it.
Sigh.
This is all eclipsed by the fact that I’m starting to get scared about where I put my little pink iPod nano.I distinctly remember putting it somewhere when moving out, but now I don’t know where that is.
And I’m too lazy to unpack.
